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How Do We Get Our Family On Board

Shot of a young couple and their elderly parent spending some time together at home

Open adoptions are the most common type of adoptions in the United States. As of present, about 80 percent of all domestic Christian adoptions are open. Still, most people, especially those from older generations, view adoptions as closed affairs. They do not understand how open adoptions work.

If you have decided to pursue an open adoption, you may find that your family is not on board. They may try to talk you out of it. They might share horror stories about people they have heard of who had bad experiences with Christian open adoption. They might even suggest that they refuse to be a part of the process. How can you manage when faced with such adversity?

All you can do to get your family on board is to supply them with facts. Allow them to ask their questions. Answer them with kindness and sincerity. Your patience will eventually win out over time.

Question: What if the birth mom wants her baby back?

Answer: That is unlikely. A birth mom chooses adoption because she knows she will not be able to care for that child in the way it deserves. Even if she does change her mind, in most states she only has up until eight days after the birth of the baby. Beyond that, her parental rights will have been permanently terminated.

Question: What if the biological grandparents/father/aunts/uncles want the baby?

Answer: The extended birth family has no rights to parent the child if the mother chooses to pursue open adoption. The birth father, like the birth mother, cannot reclaim his rights after the adoption is completed.

Question: I heard a story one time about a birth father who suddenly showed up and wanted his baby. What if that happened to you?

Answer: The birth father’s parental rights are terminated at the completion of the adoption whether he is part of the biological mom’s life or not. He has no rights to the child. The adoption legally cannot be overturned.

Question: What if people think there is something wrong with your baby because the birth mom had loose morals?

Answer: It is not the Christian way to judge. People may make assumptions about birth mothers, but many of those assumptions are wrong. Most birth moms are not incredibly young or promiscuous. They have simply chosen to give birth and a chance at life to a child that was not expected.

Question: Won’t your child want to go live with the birth mom?

Answer: Probably not. Children who have been adopted as part of an open adoption do not have any fantasies about their birth parents because they already know them. The opposite is sometimes true with closed adoption. Children who have not been able to get to know their birth parents might seek them out.

Question: How can you afford an open adoption?

Answer: An open adoption costs about the same as a new car. Why would a family want to spend that amount in order to have a beautiful life with a child who deserves a happy home?

Free Book for Christian Women Considering Adoption

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