Talking to a Child About Adoption

Children are never too young to learn about their adoption. In fact, the earlier you start talking about adoption, the more comfortable your child will be with the word. In a Christian open adoption, the sheer presence of the birth mom should be enough to normalize the situation in the child’s life. Young children often have questions about the mysteries of life. They want to know what happens after people die and how babies are born. While these aren’t easy questions to answer, they are universal. Adoption, being a less commonplace method of building families, presents its own unique questions.

“Why Did My Birth Mom Give Me Up For Adoption?”

Arguably the most common question adoptees have is about their birth mom’s choice. Hopefully, you will be well prepared to answer this question when it inevitably comes. Share the reasons, taking time to assure your child that the birth mother’s decision was about what was happening her life. They weren’t because of anything the child did or did not do. In fact, in most cases, your child wouldn’t have even been born yet when the decision was made.

“Who Is My Biological Father and Why Didn’t He Want Me?”

There are many Christian adoption cases in which the birth father is not part of the contact agreement. You may not even know who the birth father is. This is a good time to teach your child about empathy. Tell your child that, even without knowing his name, it is a good idea to pray for his or her birth father. Ask God to watch over him and guide him. Give thanks that he helped to give you life.

“Will You Give Me Up For Adoption?”

A child may or may not ask this question. It is wise to assume your child has thought of it even if he or she hasn’t said it aloud. Answer this question as clearly and as often as you can. Let your child know that adoption is permanent. You will always be mom or dad no matter what happens in your life or theirs. A good way to truly drive this point home is to walk your child through the adoption process. Offer insight into how much effort went into adopting. Reassure your son or daughter that this was God’s plan. It is a plan for which you will be forever grateful.

“Didn’t You Want To Have Your Own Baby?”

Another question that may remain unasked. Your child may begin to believe that he or she is somehow “less than” because you did not give birth. Be direct and clear when you tell your child that he or she is your own child. Provide reminders and examples of children who come into families in all different ways. Further, remind your child that you and your spouse were not born together, but instead were brought together by God.