You meet someone at church services, and he is charming, single, and interested in you. This is exciting, and because you met at church, you believe he must be a good and kind person.
As your relationship grows, he starts to act jealous. He doesn’t want you to go out with your friends or hang out with your family. At first, you think it is kind of sweet that he wants you all to himself, but there is a little warning bell that goes off in the back of your mind. You push that feeling away because you know he loves you, and everything will be fine.
Unfortunately, you should probably listen to this warning bell. Abusers come in all shapes and sizes, and you can meet them anywhere from a bar to church. They are generally well-liked by those around them, and you may have no indication they are an abuser when you first meet.
Learn to listen to your instincts and watch for these 12 Traits of an Abusive Relationship. Many times, the person who is being abused believes that it’s their fault and that they somehow “deserve” the abuse. It’s important to know that you’re never to blame for the abusive way this person is treating you.
Many times, women in an abusive relationship end up pregnant. Sometimes it is part of the abuser’s control strategy. It is used as a way to make the abused woman feel she cannot leave and is dependent on the abuser.
This is when you need to find the strength and courage to protect yourself and your baby. The abuse in your relationship will not end when the baby comes, and your child will be at great risk of becoming a victim of abuse as well.
You do have options. In escaping your situation, you may find that parenting is not the right choice for you at this time. Open adoption is a way to ensure your baby is safe and brought up in a loving, stable home. You can receive updates and even visit with your child.
An Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime can help you with your adoption plan. She can provide support, information, and referrals to counseling to help you move forward to a healthy and happy life.
If you find you are in an abusive relationship, do not try and handle it on your own. Ask a church minister, family member, or trusted friend to help you get out of the relationship. You must make sure you are safe. Get help and advice by calling the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell's life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC's The Today Show, CNN's The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN's Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.
