Even as a professing Christian, you may find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy, feeling alone because your baby’s father has abandoned you.
You probably never imagined he’d leave you to shoulder the entire responsibility by yourself. It can be an overwhelming experience. Here are some suggestions to help get through this difficult time.
Time May Help
If your baby’s father just found out about your pregnancy, he may need time to digest the news. Like you, he may be feeling a wide variety of emotions right now.
After some time, he may be more willing to support you through the pregnancy. Give him some time, but at some point, you’ll need to assume he isn’t interested in supporting you emotionally or financially.
What if He Does Abandon You?
Studies show that young women with unwanted pregnancies tend to be in long-term serious relationships before they got pregnant. Still, their relationship often breaks-up once her boyfriend finds out she’s pregnant.
In reality, your baby’s father may abandon you. It would help if you prepared yourself for this. Don’t despair. You aren’t alone. God is there for you, and He will help you get through.
Reach out to your loved ones. Tell them you’re pregnant and let them know you need them during this difficult time. It may feel uncomfortable at first to admit your situation, but true friends and loving family will step forward to help you.
They will be there to support you in many ways while you’re going through pregnancy alone, including:
- Going with you to your prenatal appointments and scans if you want
- Helping you find a place to live if you need one
- Encouraging you in your Christian faith, reminding you of God’s love through this difficult time.
- Being there for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or to vent your frustrations about being alone
- Being there during your labor and delivery, cheering you on through the entire process
- Helping you get through the first days, weeks, months of having a newborn
Create a Plan
You may want to create a plan to prepare for parenthood. Your plan should include things like:
- Pregnancy costs, prenatal visits, and your hospital stay.
- Health care: Will your health care cover the baby? Will it cover the labor and delivery, and your hospital stay? What if you need a C-section?
- Baby supplies: Crib, blankets, clothing, diapers, wipes, and toys
- Work: Do you need a higher-paying job? What about college?
- Housing: Do you need to move in with your family to save money?
Planning ahead is necessary to be sure you can financially care for your child. You may need to get help from family for several years to get on your feet.
Seek Local Non-profits for Help
Many non-profit Christian organizations help mothers-to-be. They often provide counseling, help you apply for services such as Women Infant Children (WIC), or provide housing support.
Some organizations provide baby supplies such as clothing, bedding, diapers, and toys. Don’t be shy to ask for help. These Christian organizations love helping single moms in their time of need.
What About Adoption?
As you plan your pregnancy and move towards raising your baby by yourself, you might be struggling with the doubt that you’re ready to be a single parent. It’s extremely important to step back and ask yourself if you can financially and emotionally handle being a parent. Now is the best time to face your doubts and be totally honest with yourself.
If you can’t imagine raising your child alone, adoption may be worth considering. Today adoptions are different from how they were years ago. Open adoptions allow birth mothers to have complete control over the entire adoption process.
You can choose your baby’s adoptive parents and the type of adoption plan you want in open adoption. You’ll be able to decide if you want the adoptive family to be at the hospital and to hold your baby or not. Open adoption allows you also to get to know your child throughout their life. This type of adoption allows you to email, talk on the phone to, send letters to, or even visit your child. Many birth mothers have wonderful relationships with adopted children.
Talk to an Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime about your thoughts and concerns. They are prepared to answer all your questions and help you in any way they can. Just call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 to speak with a caring coordinator. Some things they will do include:
- Connect you with licensed counseling and peer support during the adoption process
- Send you online profiles of Christian adoptive families to suit your preferences
- Guide you step-by-step through your adoption process, telling you what to expect
- Arrange meetings for you and the adoptive family before you make a decision
- Help you create your hospital plan
If you’re pregnant and feeling abandoned by your baby’s father, don’t give up. God is here for you.
Whether you decide to become a single parent or place your baby for adoption, be sure to pray for wisdom. Most of all, remember you are never alone. God is there to guide and care for you and your baby.
As the Vice President (VP) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.