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Young pregnant woman fighting with an unsupportive birth fatherTelling your baby’s father that you’re pregnant may not go over well. There’s a good chance you may not see eye-to-eye about what to do. If you’re a Christian, you may feel like adoption is the best choice, but the baby’s father may feel differently.
 
What should you do if he is an unsupportive birth father? And what are the birth father’s rights? Can you choose adoption if the baby’s father doesn’t want you to? Keep reading to discover the answers to these questions and more!
 

“My Baby’s Father is Against Adoption”

If your baby’s father doesn’t want you to make an adoption plan, you’re not alone. This is a common situation. Birth fathers typically find unplanned pregnancies to be difficult. He may be feeling pressure from those around him, which may cause him to overreact to your decision about adoption.
 
It may help is you can gain an understanding of what’s going on in his heart and mind regarding adoption. Understanding more could help you have a good conversation with him about the next steps and understand why he seems like an unsupportive birth father. Pray for God to give you good questions to ask him during your conversations. Ask God to lead and guide you both. God is ready to answer your prayers and help both of you.
 

Abortion: A “Quick Fix”?

The birth father may feel scared about the future and want you to get an abortion. Abortion may seem like a simple solution.
 
But he’s forgetting that you’d be the one actually experiencing an abortion. You’re the one who could experience short-term and maybe even long-term physical side effects from the abortion. He may not understand the potential psychological effects it could have on you and him down the road. Feelings of guilt, sadness, and regret are common for fathers who encouraged their partner to have an abortion.
 
Pray for your baby’s father. Remember, he’s feeling overwhelmed like you. Ask God to help him be open and communicative throughout the process.
 

Pressure

He may be getting pressure from his family or friends about what to do. Everyone may be offering him advice and pressuring him about what to do.
 
He may come across as an unsupportive birth father, when in fact, he’s feeling pushed and pulled in different directions. The two of you must take responsibility for the decision. As helpful as other people are, ultimately, you both will live with your decision.
 
You could pray that he won’t give in to the pressure but decide to open up about his feelings with you. If he’s a Christian too, the two of you can pray for strength and wisdom.
 
Man standing outside with his arms crossed as he thinks about adoption

Pride

He may feel like his life is out of control when he hears you’re pregnant. He may feel confused. This could be a blow to his pride and his plans. He might feel responsible for taking care of the child but isn’t sure how. The reality is that adoption could be the best way to take care of the child and have a long-term relationship with his child.
 

The Wrong Idea About Adoption

Many guys don’t understand today’s adoptions are so different from years ago. There are many adoption myths are floating around.
 
So, if you’re saying to yourself, “my baby’s father is against adoption,” it could be that he’s simply uninformed about modern adoption. It may help him talk to an adoption coordinator who can explain the many adoption choices available for birth parents. Birth mothers and fathers can choose:

  • Their baby’s adoptive parents
  • Level of contact with them
  • How things will be handled in the hospital

Birth Father Rights

Since the birth father has the same rights to your baby as you, it’s important for both of you are extremely honest about your decision. If you feel strongly that your best option is adoption, you must tell the birth father. After that, there are two possible scenarios:
 
Father Won’t Consent to Adoption
If the birth father is against adoption, there are still options that will allow you to proceed. You will need legal counsel to help you and address the issues. Lifetime Adoption can help you by providing an attorney to speak with him.
 
Birth Father Supports Adoption
If the father supports your decision, he can be part of the open adoption plan, too. The two of you can choose the adoptive parents for your child. He can have his own relationship with the family and child over the years if he prefers.
 
 
Adoption changes hearts. No doubt, once he realizes the selfless, loving choice he’s made, he’ll be grateful that you lead the way in the decision to adopt.
 
You may have said, “my baby’s father is against adoption” at first, but you never know how God can change a heart. Don’t worry if the father is unsupportive at first. He may feel pressured or overwhelmed by the pregnancy. Pray for him and give him some time to adjust. Help him understand the many choices of open adoption. As he learns more about adoption, he may feel like it’s the right thing to do. If not, you can still move forward without worry. Lifetime Adoption is always here to help you as you make your decision. We’re just a phone call or text away at 1-800-923-6784.

adoptsites2
Written by adoptsites2