Waiting is tough. It’s especially hard when you’re ready to adopt and waiting for a birth mother to choose you, only to find out that other adoptive couples who started the process after you are being matched and adopting. It can feel unfair. You may wonder how they were able to adopt so quickly?
Even though you’re a Christian, you may struggle with jealousy. Here are some tips to help you work through your feelings.
Struggling with jealousy is common. Everyone struggles with it once in a while. As a Christian, you realize it’s wrong to feel jealous, but it’s tempting when others are adopting ahead of you. It’s important to turn to the Lord for help at these moments. Confess your temptations to Him and ask Him to help you to wait patiently for the sweet child He has for you.
Adoptions go quicker for some people and slower for others. Often, adoption readiness depends upon you. Do you have all your paperwork turned it? Have you had your background check? Your home study visit? Have you created your adoption profile so that your adoption professional can show it to birth mothers? Being proactive and organized is essential to get ready for adoption. If any one of these things isn’t completed, it will stall the entire process. Ask the Lord to give you the grace to do all your need to do to get ready to adopt and then, to wait patiently for your child.
Staying Proactive During the Wait
The process of adoption squeezes you. You have a huge amount of paperwork to do, letters to write, and appointments you need to make. And the most difficult part of adoption is the waiting. Waiting is never easy, and waiting to be chosen as adoptive parents can be challenging.
One antidote to feeling jealous of other adoptive couples adopting ahead of you is to stay proactive. Channel your adoption readiness energy into spreading the word to family and friends that you’re ready to adopt. They might know of a birth mother who’s seeking adoptive parents. Many adoptions occur through word of mouth. Those adoptive parents who are proactive in spreading the word find they adopt quicker.
Post on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter to mention that you’re pursuing adoption. Create your adoption profile and video. Most of all, pray. Pray that the Lord will lead you, guide you, and send your child at just the right time.
You’re ready to adopt, but nothing is happening. Why are you being overlooked? There are many reasons, but one reason is that some adoptive parents are willing to adopt babies that may have been exposed to drugs and alcohol during pregnancy. These couples tend to have a shorter waiting time.
Many couples aren’t comfortable adopting a child who might have developmental problems or other issues due to these exposures. That’s understandable. You must be totally honest about your adoption preferences. You need to understand your capacity and faith level for this type of adoption. Just know that this could be a factor in why other couples are being matched to a birth mother faster than you.
Adoption readiness involves many things. One of the decisions you make is whether you’re open to adopting a child of another race or ethnicity. If you’re open to transracial adoption, you may find that your adoption moves quickly.
Adoption professionals explain that many adoptive parents want to adopt a Caucasian baby rather than an African American baby. This means that African American babies are the hardest to locate an adoptive family for. So, if you’re open to having a transracial adoption, you may have a shorter wait time.
Ask God to give you an open heart for what He wants in your life. Sometimes, you move in one direction, only to find that God redirects you in another direction. Pray for wisdom and guidance along the way. Transracial adoption is a journey you may not expect. Your family or friends may not understand or be supportive of your decision. That’s okay. God will help you be strong and have the grace to do what he’s called you to.
Trust in Him
Waiting to be chosen by a birth mother isn’t easy. You may be tempted to feel jealous of other adoptive couples who get matched and adopt quicker than you.
Don’t give in to jealousy’s grip on your heart. Stay proactive, getting all the paperwork, profiles, and necessary information turned in to your adoption agency. Spread the word of your desire to adopt to friends, family, and on your social media accounts. Be open to what God is saying about adopting a child of color. God wants to bless you with a child. Trust Him in the process.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”