Choosing adoption can be a difficult decision. So if you have decided adoption is the best thing for you and your baby, you have thought long and hard about it.
No doubt you’ve also thought about how you’re going to tell your family, friends, and others about your choice and what they will think of you.
You’re not alone. Many birth mothers have wondered what others will think of them when they share their adoption plans.
The most challenging conversation you’ll have besides telling your family that you’re pregnant will probably be explaining to them you’ve decided on adoption. They may have strong opinions about adoption, abortion, or parenting the child.
Sometimes family members will try to pressure you to parent, feeling it’s their right as a family member. Or they may suggest they adopt your baby. However, they may not realize this wouldn’t be helpful to you because you’d be seeing the baby all the time. Having a family member adopt your baby can be a solution, but there are many pros and cons and expectations to be managed. Some families go this route, but it’s not for everyone.
It’s helpful to remind yourself that your family wants what is best for you and will try to help you solve this situation. Try not to react if they come on strong. Instead, thank them for their concern, but firmly, and kindly tell them you can handle this situation, and you’ll decide what’s best for you and your baby.
It could take several conversations before they’re willing to listen to you. Assure them you appreciate their suggestions, but what you need is their understanding and emotional support throughout this process.
Family relationships can be tricky, so give your family members some space and time to process this information. It may surprise you at their acceptance and respect for you. Getting their understanding and support will make it easier to focus on what’s best for you and your baby.
Your friends may also have strong opinions about adoption and what you should or shouldn’t do. Like your family, they love you and want what’s best for you.
You are the best person to make the right decision for you and your child. When you tell your friends about your decision, give them time to process the information. They may ask you questions or tell you what they think you should do. Answer their questions and listen to what they say.
Thank them for their thoughts, but let them know you’re firm in your decision. Tell them you hope they’ll support you in your decision whether or not they agree. There’s a good chance your close friends will be supportive and help you through this difficult time. However, you can’t control how people react.
There will always be people in your life with opinions about your decision to place your child for adoption. Some may be positive, and some may be negative. These may be busybodies who heard about your pregnancy, or they may be neighbors, co-workers, classmates, or people who know your family.
Dealing with judgmental people is a part of life. Regardless of what others think, it’s important that you feel comfortable with your decision. Having confidence that you’ve made the right decision will help you face criticism and misunderstandings from others.
Of course, you’ll meet people who are very supportive and understanding. They’ll offer to support or help you any way they can. Perhaps they’ve experienced adoption in their family or had a friend who was adopted. They understand that choosing life for your child and finding a loving family is a very courageous decision. These people can be a source of encouragement for you because they understand the blessing of adoption.
Lifetime Adoption – Helping Birth Mothers Since 1986
Lifetime Adoption is here to help you throughout the adoption process. Our Adoption Coordinators understand how hard it is to tell your family and friends about your decision. They know that sometimes the people closest to you can make your decision process especially difficult.
Our adoption professionals have decades of experience helping birth mothers. They can answer any of your questions about adoption, advise you on how to tell people about your decision, and get you connected with a licensed therapist for counseling.
Lifetime Adoption also offers peer support from birth mothers who placed their child for adoption. They understand what you’re going through and know how hard this is for you because they’ve been through it themselves.
Lifetime is available to talk to you 24/7 via call or text to 1-800-923-6784. Remember, you’re not alone. There are people ready to help you.
As the Vice President (VP) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.